WARNING: i have a personality, ideas, opinions, beliefs. i realize this is looked down upon by the human race, particularly since most of MY ideas, opinions, and beliefs are so often not in line with the majority OR the minority. however, i am much more interested in being honest than being popular. i'm not particularly looking to get into a bunch of debates/discussions with strangers, so please don't take this as an invitation to send me emails about how i'm wrong or how i should change, etc. if i want to know how you feel about me or my ideas, i will seek out YOUR website on my own and read YOUR faq. :)

Q. do you really run your own website and answer your own emails and update your own status on facebook/myspace/twitter/etc.? or do you have an assistant do those things?

A. yes it's me. anything that is written in the first person is from me. i may have someone help me copy and paste a group message or something, but i don't allow anyone to pretend to be me and write in my voice. regarding the whole "assistant" thing: i can hardly afford to eat, do you really think i can afford to pay someone else's salary?

Q. do you check your email yourself? do you respond?

A. yes i do check my own email. i get a lot of email, so if your message is particularly long, i probably won't read the whole thing. i do read and respond as often as i can, but it is very time consuming and i have a lot of other responsibilities associated with my "career" and not to mention my own life :). so as a warning, i am most often 2 or 3 months behind on emails, and sometimes even 6 or 7, depending on my workload & travel schedule. if you are going to get upset about my response time, or the length of my response, etc., i would recommend not writing. i used to feel obligated to respond to every email, but it's just not possible. that being said, all the nice comments and feedback really means a lot to me, and i appreciate all of you who have taken an interest in what i'm doing and have purchased my stuff, or even just appreciated it in whatever context and for whatever reason.

Q. do you sign autographs via mail? can you send me a signed photo? (etc.)

A. i am happy to sign stuff in person, but unfortunately i do not have the money, the materials, the time, the P.O. box, etc., to offer this service by mail. it's more than i can handle. but don't worry, my signature isn't worth shit anyway.

Q. can you sign the cd/t-shirt i bought from your website?

A. again, i am happy to sign stuff in person, but unfortunately the CDs and tshirts that you order online do not pass through my hands. i live in nyc, and they ship to you from phoenix or something. sorry! :( but thanks for buying them! :)

Q. can you send me tabs and/or sheet music for your songs?

A. i'm sorry there are no tabs or sheet music for the songs i have written. i don't really know how to play guitar, so i just make stuff up. i don't know the names of chords or how to make tabs or anything. sorry :/

Q. can i sing one of your songs at a talent show, or use it in a dance class or performance?

A. sure. you don't have to ask permission to do something like that.

Q. can i use your song in my film or student project?

A. if it is something you are doing just for school (not to be published, and not for any sort of festival or commercial or money-making endeavor), sure. but if it requires me signing some sort of release or license, i am unable to process that sort of paperwork for free use of my songs (legal services are quite expensive, and i don't sign releases or licenses without having them reviewed by my attorney).

Q. i think you should cover this song...

A. i'm sorry, i don't really take cover requests. the whole point of doing a cover is because i hear or know a song that speaks to me in some way, and i am inspired to do my own version. doing covers that people tell me to do sort of defeats that purpose.

Q. do you play colleges/universities?

A. yes i love to! but i'm not crazy about booking 6 or more months in advance, and i know how much schools love to do that. also, i prefer to do my own thing over playing gay-themed events (see below).

Q. will you play at my gay pride event / gay bar / gay club?

A. i prefer to play music venues, and to do my own thing, rather than something gay-themed, as that's not what my life or my music are about. (see below)

Q. which airlines have been the most evil to you?

A.
1. air canada
2. qantas (recently replaced delta as 2nd most evil. congrats delta for being bumped off the list!)

Q. are you proud to be an american? [this was written in 2008 in response to Obama's election]

A. you know, i'm really happy obama won the 2008 election. i voted for him. and it was a huge relief that he won over the competition. but he's still a politician. and it's still government...and so full of checks and balances that even if things DO change, it will take ages.

to be honest, i'm a little disgusted by how "proud" americans were of themselves for electing a black man as president. when obama was announced the winner, no one talked about anything but that. personally, i don't care what color the man is. i just care that he doesn't appear to be a psycho bigot.

i just don't think we should be patting ourselves on the back for something we should have had figured out from the start, hundreds of years ago when our nation was founded on the principles of equality and freedom...though only for a select few. i particularly don't think we should be congratulating ourselves on our accomplishments in equality when, in the very same election, americans also voted to strip equal rights away from an entire group of citizens by passing Proposition 8 in California, one of the only places in the country that had finally gotten THAT issue right (allowing same-sex couples to be in government-recognized relationships -- another issue that never should have been up for debate in the first place).

so america is finally willing to give a non-white person a real job, and everyone's overjoyed at "how far we've come"? give me a break.

Q. where do you live?

A. new york city

Q. do you have a boyfriend?

A. no, i haven't truly dated anyone in 8 years :(

Q. is it by choice?

A. well, that depends how you define the word "choice." if not entering into a relationship with someone i don't like or who is an asshole or something, then - yeah. i guess i've made the "choice" to not be with someone i don't like or who's not right for me. connecting with someone on a romantic level is a VERY complex and specific connection (at least for me). and finding someone where that connection is MUTUAL (goes both ways) is even MORE difficult. finding someone with whom you have that mutual connection who ALSO likes you for exactly who you are (not who they THINK you are, or who they WANT you to be, but who you ARE)...is in my experience, nearly impossible.

Q. what is your favorite color?

A. grey

Q. why do you make naked youtube videos

A. fuck you. i've never made a motherfucking naked youtube video in my life. all my naked videos are on xtube (just kidding). when i posted my first youtube video ("body's a temple"), i was just fucking around with my new macbook in the middle of the night, alone, in my apartment. i wasn't wearing a shirt because -- who the hell sits at home alone in the middle of the night in formalwear? i never once thought about picking out an "outfit" and i was hiding behind my guitar, so all you could see was my shoulders -- my SHOULDERS. this is far from naked. i am very self-conscious about my body, so if i wasn't hidden from view by my guitar i probably WOULD have thought to put a shirt on. which i do for most of my videos now just because i'm so sick of hearing about it. even in the video where i sing "molly malone" in my shower, i am wearing shorts, you just can't see them. i have to say you're all quite repressed for making such a big deal out of it, so fucking relax.

Q. do you like dogs?

A. no, HATE. the only thing i hate more than dogs are their owners.

Q. cats?

A. yes. yes, i like cats.

Q. do you want children?

A. absolutely not.

Q. why are you sad?

A. there's really no answer for this. it's just the way i am. but maybe the real question is: why aren't YOU sad? i mean, look around you. we live in a fucked up world full of fucked up people and horrible things. there are so many reasons to be sad, and i can't help but feel the weight of those things as i walk around in my day-to-day life. so maybe i'm chemically imbalanced. or maybe i'm not the freak. maybe you're just insensitive and so trained to ignore what's really going on, or to overcompensate for it with overzealous optimism and positivity.

Q. is it an act?

A. this is a really nasty question. it's basically accusing me of being a complete fraud and faking who i am. i put a lot of myself out there for a bunch of strangers to ridicule and criticize. i guess because i don't know what else to do. i try to be the same person in front of a crowd or on the internet or in an interview or in a song as i am in person. it's true that what i publicly display or expose of myself is only one or two layers, and at specific moments in time. people think they "know" me, but obviously you can't "know" or understand someone you've never met. i try to be as honest and accurate to myself as i can be. sure some of my cynicism is part of my sense of humor, a defense mechanism, a protection, my way of operating. sometimes it's sarcasm and hyperbole, and sometimes it may even mask an underlying optimism. so many people have a hard time viewing anything but what's on the surface. but the cynicism and the anger and the depression and the darkness....they're all very real and part of who i am. don't fucking insult me by saying my entire persona is an "act." it's shitty and mean.

Q. have you ever thought about writing music for theatre?

A. no, sorry. i don't like musicals, and am not much into theatre in general actually, so this is not something i'm interested in at present. offer me a million dollars, and i'll reconsider.

Q. i'm coming to nyc on these dates, are you performing then? do you have any shows scheduled in my town?

A. do you know how hard it is to market yourself as a musician? how much pressure there is to sell tickets every time someone gives you the opportunity to play? why would i keep these performances secret? all you have to do is check any of my websites or join my mailing list. trust me, if i'm playing a show, i'm doing everything i can to let people know about it.

Q. do you get annoyed when people ask you for basic information about your shows after you have put yourself out trying to promote them, and provided those details on about 10 easily accessible websites...particularly when people have to go ON those pages that contain the information in order to email you the questions they could easily have answered themselves?

A. um yeah, kind of. haha

Q. i really really want to go to your show, but i am not over the age restriction!! is there ANY way you can get me in??

A. i really really wish i could. i ALWAYS try my hardest to get all ages shows, but it is up to the venue and what operating licenses they have and what the local laws are. at the end of the day, there's nothing i can do :(.

Q. who provides the absolute worst sales, technical support, and customer service experience on earth? to the point where they lie, cheat, steal, abuse, and are just plain nasty mean people?

A. Best Buy at 23rd and 6th in Manhattan. NEVER EVER EVER do business with this store, they are soooooooo mean.

Q. do you take donations?

A. that is very kind of you, and when i'm 80 years old and waiting tables at a diner, i may change my policy... but no, i don't accept donations. if you really want to make a contribution to what i'm doing, the best thing you can do is purchase my music. if you've already done that, and still want to contribute -- buy a t-shirt or 2 from my website! if you've done that too and still have money burning a hole in your pocket -- just buy more CDs and give them to your friends. not only does a (smallish) percentage of that eventually make its way to me, but the entire music industry judges artists on album & ticket sales -- so every album sold is truly helpful in more ways than just the monetary.

Q. where should i buy the album? who gives you get the biggest cut?

A. honestly, this isn't a big deal to me. you should buy the album in whichever way is most convenient for you. i probably make the most dollars when you buy my album at a show...or on my website (since there is no third party retailer). but at the end of the day, i still have to pay commissions to managers and agents and venues and promoters and lawyers and producers and distribution partners. and even though my share may be a little smaller when you buy from iTunes...without all those digital sales, i would never have debuted as No. 25 on the overall iTunes albums charts! ...or been #1 for 10 days on their Folk [now Singer/Songwriter] charts! ...or been featured in their store! ...or named one of the "Best New Artists" in the Folk category for 2008! so...it all helps, just do what makes the most sense for you. and thanks for asking. :)

Q. you're too [beautiful/talented/funny/smart] to be so [sad/lonely/single/angry] (fill in your own adjectives for this one)

A. um, well thanks, i guess. i don't really see myself as any of those things, but even if those very kind adjectives DID apply to me, there's a lot more to life and relationships than that stuff. are beautiful people not allowed to have feelings? is being "talented" all there is to obtaining a long-term relationship? that's silly.

Q. are you the guy from shortbus?

A. not "THE" guy, no. but i was in that movie, yes.

Q. do you write your own songs/lyrics?

A. mostly, yes. sometimes i do covers at live shows and on YouTube, but i generally specify. [update: i released a covers album in July 2009! ("In Living Cover" - 2 originals & 7 covers!)]

Q. will you write music for lyrics i've written (or vice versa)?

A. no, sorry. what i do is very personal and just kind of my way of venting or coping with life when i'm on my own in the middle of the night in my apartment (for example). YOU should write the music/lyrics for your own stuff :). give it a shot, you may surprised.

Q. can i remix one of your songs?

A. um i guess you can do whatever you want. but can you do it for a commercial release or do it in an official capacity? probably not. dance music isn't really my thing, and if i wanted to make dance music, i would. maybe someday i will allow someone to remix my songs for the dance floor, but for now the idea makes me cringe a tiny bit. haha

Q. what do you think is one of the meanest things you can say to someone?

A. "cheer up." it's basically invalidating someone's true emotions and telling them to get over it just to make those around them more comfortable. one of the most respectful and meaningful things you can do for a person is let them be exactly the way they are, and let them feel exactly what they're feeling, without making them feel bad about it. i know most people think everything about life, including the way you feel, is a choice. that you can just change things by flipping a switch (or by doing exercise...that's one of my favorites). we're not all like that. and it's harder to make changes for some than it is for others. if you don't agree with that, it's because you don't understand it and aren't one of those people. don't be heartless.

Q. the big annoying GAY factor: why do you hate being called a "gay" singer-songwriter, or being told you write "gay" songs, or always being asked to participate in gay-themed activities, etc.?

A. it's 2009. i think it's time that everyone, the "gay community" included, allow gay people to take their place in the world as real people, rather than continuing to be defined and separated by their sexual orientation. i want the freedom to be myself, unafraid and uncensored, without having to market myself based on a sexual orientation, or attaching that sexual orientation to my name as a title.

in recent years, an entire industry has developed around "being gay" -- gay magazines, gay tv channels, gay movies, gay pride festivals, gay radio stations, gay record labels. and in my opinion, most of these entities are built around cheesy, outdated and cliché ideas of what it means to be "gay," what gay people want, what is "sexy," or what sells.

i have turned down thousands of dollars that i could have made by exploiting my sexual orientation and building a career in the gay industry and in gay media. because i want to be a musician and an actor and a regular person...on the same playing field as everyone else. i'm not interested in being a professional gay, and i refuse to make my entire life and career about that. i'm not that interested in playing at gay bars or gay pride festivals, or doing "gay singer/songwriter" programs (though i have done these things, and may again if i feel good reason to). i dealt with my sexual orientation when i was a teenager, and frankly i'm sick of talking about it. i don't want my album or the films i'm in to be in the "gay section" of a music or video store. i think having a gay section at the video store is the same as asking black people to drink from a different water fountain, or to sit at the back of the bus. why can't films with gay characters be classified with all the other films...as dramas, or comedies, or horror? "gay" shouldn't BE a genre.

i understand why gay people of a certain generation still have this obsession with their sexual orientation, and maintain this sort of "us against them" mentality. they weren't allowed to be gay for most of their lives, so they are still really excited about it, and feel that they need a community of other gay people for support.

it's like when you're in high school in texas, and you feel like you're the only gay person in the entire world, and all you want is to be around other gay people where you think you can be yourself. but then fast forward 10 years, and you live in L.A. or NYC and you can't ESCAPE gay people and how much being gay makes up their entire identity. everywhere you look there are rainbow flags and gay pride festivals, and waxed, oiled, and muscled bodies staring back at you from shop windows and magazine covers. everyone looks the same and acts the same. they have all the same interests, go to all the same gay vacation spots, and work out at the same gym. all they ever talk about is being gay, and you are expected to like a movie because it's "gay," or like an author because he or she is gay, or listen to music because it's made by a gay person...not because it's GOOD, or because it appeals to you on a more substantial level. all of a sudden, the people who wanted to create a community where they could freely be themselves are forcing this gay identity on everyone and everything they can...telling you who you have to be, what you have to stand for, what you have to make the focus of your life or your career. [much akin to the birth of the United States...people in Europe were being persecuted for their beliefs, so they ran away and built a new nation where people could be "free" to be who they wanted...as long as it fit within certain strict guidelines! (this nation was built on completely fraudulent and hypocritical principles...which hasn't really changed to this day.)]

well, fuck that. people tell me all the time that i represent the "gay community" whether i like it or not. but i'm telling you right now, you represent who you choose to represent. i represent myself and that's it. or maybe i'm willing to stand for other individuals who feel trapped or handicapped by the oppressive world around them, or by the "communities" that are forced upon them simply because of demographics. i don't feel a bond to people because of demographics. i don't see gay people as "family" any more than i feel connected to people because they are white, or because they are tall, or because they have blue eyes. in this world, it's me against everyone, and i hate everyone equally [insert laugh here]. i'll go so far as to say that gay people have fucked me over and treated me like shit more than any other demographic out there, both personally and professionally -- certainly more than any christians or republicans or conservatives ever have. so no, i don't feel a bond to other gay people just because they are gay, i don't identify with them as a "community," and i'm not interested in being their poster boy.

please understand that none of this has anything to do with my view on civil rights. of course all people should be given equal rights...regardless of any demographics. and yes, i think gay people should be able to get married. i would certainly attend a protest supporting those rights, and i HAVE played at events such as gay marriage benefits. but to me this is all very different than the "pride" scene or gay media, or the commercialization of gayness. i deserve equal rights, but i'm not particularly proud or excited to be gay. i don't really think about it much in terms of my identity.

so you ask -- "but, jay, you sing about wanting to be a housewife. you sing about men in your songs. you wrote a song with margaret cho about sucking dick."

this is all very true. but this way of thinking is very limited, and contributes so strongly to the problem.

in my song "Housewife": am i man singing about wanting to be with another man? yes. is that part of the humor and irony of me (a guy) singing the song? i think so. but did i write it as an anthem to gay marriage? not at all...honestly the fact that i'm a gay guy had nothing to do with it...it's not something i think about much in my personal life. when i wrote that song, i was writing about wanting to be in a relationship and not having to have a job. i know plenty of people who would want that, both men and women. i have no doubt there are plenty of straight men out there who would like to have a significant other and not have to be the breadwinner in the relationship, even if they're afraid to admit it. so i don't see why "housewife" can't be a song that appeals to all types of people.

on the question of pronouns: just because i don't disguise male pronouns in some of my songs doesn't make them "gay" songs. when lisa loeb sings, no one says she's singing about "being straight" or about "straight issues." she's singing about LIFE, and LOVE, and RELATIONSHIPS, regardless of the pronouns she uses. just like when seal performs, or beyoncé -- they are singing about human experiences we can all relate to. no one says they are singing about "being black" or about "life as a black person."

regarding the song "Relax Your Necks" that i wrote with Margaret Cho about giving head: when LL Cool J does a song about eating pussy, no one says that is a song about being STRAIGHT or about STRAIGHT sex. it's just a song about SEX. period. i have no problem listening to LL Cool J talk about fucking chicks, and relating it to my own sexual life and desires and impulses.

the bottom line is this: we're all basically the same and go through the same things, and pronouns and gender have nothing to do with that. if you can't see through pronouns in a song, you're....well, kind of stupid. i have never had trouble relating to a man singing about a woman, or a woman sing about a man. people are people. don't be so simple-minded. it's a trap that both gay & straight people fall into, and it strengthens the childish and ridiculous boundaries between all people for whatever minor differences we may have.

obviously i have a lot to say on this topic. i have complex and passionate feelings about it that i find difficult to articulate, and that's why this response is so wordy. it is an obnoxious issue that i face every single day of my professional life, and it is the biggest obstacle i face toward being taken seriously as a musician and as a person. i am sick of being pushed into the gay corner, by gay people just as much or moreso than people who are not gay. it sucks. i want my life and my work to be more than that.

besides, who the hell can get behind a cause that uses a rainbow and a pink triangle as their icons? are you serious? [and yes, i know the history of the pink triangle...all the more reason to abandon it. but that's just me.] if the gay flag were a cool, collected black & grey plaid or something...maybe i could stomach playing a few pride festivals.